Poem: Find Your Joy

Find your joy
On the darkest days
When the days are short
And the nights are long

When it feels like
All you can do
Is wrong
Find your joy

I look to family
Soft, puppy nose
Colors of winter
I find my joy

In warmth like love
All wrapped up
Happiness is
My babe, the pup

Laughter in the kitchen
Favorite tv shows
Days off of work
When it snows

I find my joy
Shopping online
Sipping tea in the bookstore
On days I feel fine

In walks after work
With the dog and his toys
Long chats on the phone
These littlest of joys

Are bright tokens
of happiness
All stored away
I find my joy

On these darkest of days

Poem Rerun: SAD, and A Little Pep-talk

This one is a re-run, a poem I wrote last year in December, but definitely fits tonight! It’s sooo cold here. 7 degrees when I woke up this morning, thank you, and I could live without it. In fact, I think I would live better without it. The cold wears me down, dries out my skin and makes me eat more. (Although, the holidays haven’t helped the waistline, either.)

For those of you who are struggling with SAD like me, hang in there. The longer days are coming. Get plenty of sleep, drink TONS of water, and quit eating crap that’s not good for you. (Really this is just a reminder to myself.) And remember to take care of yourself, especially on days when you’re really down. You’re not going to get anything done if you’re in a funk. And it’s much harder to get out of one, once you’re already there. Don’t do it to yourself. Just don’t. Oh yeah, the poem. (Psst. Write more! Especially when you’re feeling down. It does help!)

SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder 

Age twenty-nine

Feels like ninety-two

Tired and achy

Like I’ve got the flu

One step forward

Two steps back

With joints that ache

And bones that crack

With blurry eyes

And pounding head

“I want to sleep!”

“Sleep when you’re dead!”

Poem: Can’t They See I’m Drowning?

girl-690327_1280Been trying to put my emotions to writing as a means of therapy…on those rough days if I get it out, it seems to help, if only for a bit. But anxiety/mental illness is not talked about enough in the work place, I don’t think.

I don’t think people understand how truly difficult it is sometimes to function. Even though it looks like it’s all okay on the outside, it doesn’t mean it is.

That’s why I love some of the artwork I’ve seen from people who have put mental illnesses into pictures; it’s truly amazing, and uplifting and maybe it will help people to understand better.

Can’t You See I’m Drowning

I don’t feel good enough

for the rain to touch my skin

I’m not worthy of the catharsis

of nature’s natural tears

I wonder what I look like on the outside

when the minutes crawl by like years

Unrest that spins like sickness

behind my eyes

I smile, I laugh, I tease

Why can’t they see the lies?

A blackness that crushes

a grey that claws

picks at your attention

pulls at your senses

clouds around your personal bubble

’till everything and everyone is in a fog

But I’ve got to smile

be courteous, communicative

and cooperative

I’ve got to be

energetic and organized

to be impossibly awesome

like no one has before

watch me drag my feet across the floor

Can’t they see I’m drowning?

Things You Should Say to Someone with SAD

Today was a gloomy day, and as such, today was a tiring day. I’ve taken my vitamin D, and I’ve sat in front of my sun-lamp, and now all there is left to do is to wait until bed-time comes and I can finally close these tired eyes.

wpid-wp-1417145283589.jpegEveryone was grumpy and tired at work today, and the snow on the ground outside marks the first significant snow we’ve gotten all winter. (This might be the main cause of the grumpiness, as no one likes to drive in bad weather!)

I was having a thought about what to write tonight, and mostly what’s been on my mind lately, is my seasonal affective disorder. Most everyone in the north-east gets some kind of winter blues, but those of us with SAD have more of a rough time of it.

I get frustrated because I am very much a different person half of the year, and I miss my full self – that self that really is happy to get out of bed in the morning, is full of energy, laughter, and creative ideas.

In the winter I am this: Tired, distracted, depressed, anxious, spacey, (have trouble concentrating,) and less creative.

I find myself  interacting less, laughing less and struggling with the right words to say in social situations. Most of the time I just want to crawl into bed and watch Netflix, but if I do that, how will I get a chance to write?

Anyway, thought I’d write a list of helpful things you should say to someone with SAD in case you have a friend who’s been down on their luck lately:

  • Hey, the sun’s out! Let’s go for a walk together!

Exercise is a great way to counteract that overall blah-ness. And interacting with a friend is always nice, too.

  • What are you doing this Friday? Want to stay in and order food and watch movies together?

You’ll need the exercise to counteract the take-out, but sometimes a weekend in with a loved one is the perfect cure to a rough week, and some down days. In the end, you just want to feel loved, and feel a sense of security.

  • (To a girlfriend). Want to go get our hair done together? Want to get a new outfit to wear?

Course, I suppose, a guy could go shopping with you, too! Feeling good about yourself, and confident in how you look has a big impact on how you feel.

  • I see you had a bad day, anything I can do to help?

Sometimes those bad days happen, and sometimes you do want to crawl into bed and stay there for a little while. As a loved one, you should be okay with cuddling in bed with your significant other and not facing the world for a little while.

Remember, it is not a bad thing to take some moments for yourself, any time that you may need.

And that’s enough for now, I’m sure I’ll have more insight down the road when I’m not falling asleep at my desk like I am now! Ack!

Hope everyone keeps safe and warm tonight!

Happy writing!