Poem: Loser

Because…sometimes. :/

Had bit of a rough week this past week – I know…what else is new, eh? But, sometimes…you just feel it, you know? Everyone is telling you to keep your head up but inside you feel so…unworthy. The facts are there, the encouragement is there, but your mind is telling you: what’s the point? what’s the point? It’s so hard to find the right direction sometimes, when your heart is telling you: “you are lost.”

Loser

five letters

of worthlessness

Lonely

Outcast

Socially Inept

Every misstep

Relapse

not a state of being

it is felt

 

What if You Could Say What You Want in a Cover Letter?

Today was a productive day. I managed to apply for a few new jobs, do laundry, take a walk and enjoy the sunshine. It was a beautiful day today, and I walked the few blocks to the falls from our house. The sound of the water pounding in a plummet over rocks is both beautiful and relaxing.

Who needs the white noise of the city? I’d take my sounds of running water any day! The walk was a much-needed break from the resume and cover letter writing I was doing, which I always find somewhat tedious.

Who loves writing resumes? Definitely NOT this girl…there’s not many people I know who like writing cover letters either. Who likes writing pretty much the same thing over and over but in different, clean and precise words?

During the writing, I was also thinking about how you have to approach different styles of writing with a different mind-set. Well, at least, I do!

While, resume writing this afternoon, I was focused. Like, super focused. Headphones on to drown out the noise, and notebook in front of me, I didn’t leave my desk until I had to switch the laundry over and even then I was thinking about the next paragraph: why am I the best candidate for this job?

The reason might be, because I have a tendency to over-think it. I am a creative writer, I want the words to sound great, to have a flow, but you have to remember: you can’t sacrifice content for creativeness. 

For the cover letter, it is also the same way. It is a business letter to the potential employer, and you are the sales person. Why are you a great person for the job? And no amount of flowery words can cover a lack of experience.

To a person who likes to create characters and disappear into compelling dialogue, resume writing is about as boring as essay writing – and I didn’t much enjoy that, either.

I’ve always wanted to create something different: What would a resume or cover letter look like if we said what we actually wanted?

Like, Dear Ms. Hiring Manager:

I am a great person, a great writer, with a college education and I don’t really care for these cover letter/resume things. They never really say who I am as a person, and you can write the best resume in the world and make yourself look the best – but those people are never as perfect as they claim to be, and honestly, a fake person is not the kind of person you want working for you.

I dislike the fallacy of it all. Everyone brags about being a positive and energetic person, but honestly, there are not many people I know who are positive or energetic without coffee.

You can work at some jobs for a year, others for six months, and some for two years, but the most experience I ever had, was working with great people and for a great team. A job doesn’t really work, unless there are awesome people behind it.

And…how is that going to happen, if everyone basically lies on their resume/cover letters?

Anyway, it would be great to hear back from you. But I don’t expect to. Over 60 people applied for this job (it says so on Indeed) and I’m sure most of them have told you they’ve worked for ten years at the same job and speak french and mandarin, and some of them I’m sure are former beauty pageant winners. (I worked directly with a hiring manager this year, and almost every time, she hired the candidates who were the most attractive.)

My resume is attached for review…or is it? I might have sent you a link to my LinkedIn account instead. It’d be great to hear from you, but I’m not holding my breath over here.

Sincerely,

Amanda

Now, wouldn’t that be awesome?

In this competitive world we live in, there must be some employers out there who want the more creative resumes and cover letters? Honestly, I think everyone could always use a good laugh!

Hope everyone is having a great night! Happy Writing!

Poem: Underneath

Underneath the job title

a bunch of broken people

he’s socially awkward

her husband died

she lost a baby that no one knows about

her marriage is in shambles

he’s got a story to tell

anger and heartbreak, a tiny jail cell

pasts that stay hidden

desires, and oily thoughts

we hide our devastation

a work-place facade

to avoid humiliation

as we trudge a long

head bowed, shattered and bought

I Want to Live Life, Without Feeling Trapped

Having a case of the Sunday night blues tonight. Happens every night lately before the start of a new week. I love my freedom during the days on weekends. To enjoy the sunshine when I want, to read a book, to bake, to enjoy being human and alive and with others and the people who I love.

This current job I’m at now, while there are some decent people, I feel like everyone is so bored with life there. They are so bored and tired of the next day, of a job that keeps going with no end, of a retirement that is still eight years down the road.

It’s had me thinking a lot about what I want out of life, lately. I don’t want to work in a job where my life is taken from me. I want freedom…I want to travel…I want to live.

People judge millennials because we don’t want to work. But people forget many of us are not working in the job we went to school for. We don’t get money because we are doing what we love. We get money because we work at jobs, (very often) that no one else wants to work at.

I’m no slacker. I’ve worked a myriad of jobs to make money to pay the bills and I’ve been miserable at many of them, but I worked them anyway. Where does it say that we have to be miserable to make money?

People say that you should work hard, stay at a job, get retirement, but the sacrifice of life, freedom, and lack of money just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Forgive me, but, I am no one else’s money-maker.

I want to live my life, without feeling like I’m trapped in my job. Is that really so much to ask?

Poem: Be Aggressive

it’s not in my nature

to be aggressive

I am shy

I am compassionate

I am that friend to listen

to lean on

you tell me your weaknesses

I don’t pounce

or take advantage

It’s not in me to manipulate

 

But when it comes to a job

employers want the assholes,

the people who go out of their way

to be the know-it-alls

the spiders and snakes in this world

 

they don’t hire the mice,

the things to be trodden underfoot

 

they don’t know that underneath this timidness

is a loyalty

which surpasses

everything they’ve ever dreamed of

a finality

a getting things done

But

I am that smoldering lake of lava, slowly simmering

But I pack a punch in a big way.

Helping Others When You Can’t Help Yourself

girl-1064659_1920There’s something that’s been on my mind lately.

As you guys know, Mike and I have moved to a new area, and that means…new job for me. AGAIN.

My last job was great for me: sit in a room and type and don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to. Boring, yes, but not taxing or stressful because I wasn’t forced to be interactive on days where I really didn’t want to.

People might shake their head and be like: what are you talking about? What’s so hard about talking to people?

But when you have social anxiety, there is everything wrong with talking to people. It is very difficult to help people when you can’t help yourself.

I don’t know how much I’ve stressed over and over to people who are close to me, and to others and I hope they will eventually get it.

Working in Customer Service where your job is to help people is sooo difficult when you can’t help yourself.

Inside, you feel like you can’t breathe, you are drowning. Your mind is telling you to do something, but you are also fighting with yourself. I can’t, I’ll do it wrong, I’m hopeless, I’m worthless, look at them staring…they know…they know…

On top of the anxiety, there’s the depression that comes a long with it. You feel like a loser. A simple job and you can’t do it. Everyone else is fine, no one is having troubles. There must be something wrong with me. I’m a nobody, I have no purpose, I feel so worthless…so worthless.

These are only a few of the thoughts that were running through my mind today when I was at my new job where I have to assist customers and I have to put on a smile, and I have to interact with people and pretend that I am okay when I’m not.

I even mentioned to my co-worker: “I’m a little anxious today, it makes me feel like extra slow and stuff.”

Didn’t really get much of a response. But where’s the time really to go into the full length explanation, and who knows really what to say to all that anyway?

I think I’ll be looking into seeing a specialist soon as therapists know the right responses to these feelings…or at least you hope they do, but something else has been bothering me:

Why aren’t more people aware of how debilitating anxiety and depression are in the work place?

I know it has effected me and my career…or lack thereof one.

Why aren’t we talking about it? Why aren’t more people aware how difficult it is to put on a brave face, when inside you feel like you are drowning?

WHY DON’T WE TALK MORE ABOUT THIS?

Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. Those of us that struggle with this are heroes when you have to bear this burden in silence, and we really shouldn’t have to be.

It is a real thing, and more people should be understanding out there…work place included.

Ah, I feel better now. Anyway, what are you guys doing tonight? Anything thoughts on this?

Feeling a bit Underappreciated Lately

I’ve been feeling a bit underappreciated at work lately. I understand that things change, you expand, you grow, you quickly learn that an open mind to new things is a productive mind.

However, I feel like there are a few things that a company owes its employees in order to keep those employees happy. Common sense tells me that appreciated employees are loyal employees that stay and work their hardest and grow.

But…not all employers share this sentiment, (I sometimes think there should be more laws to protect employees from a company that abuses its workers, but what do I know, I only do the work,) and it is sometimes difficult to continue on, while someone else is reaping all the benefits.

Story of all our lives, eh?

Anyway, just thought I’d make a list of some key values that I think a company should have to keep healthy, happy and hard-working employees.

Honestly, it is so simple: a good company is like a happy family with everyone doing their job and singing praises until the very youngest, lowest, member of the family, (usually the dog,) receives this praise and takes this encouragement to heart and realizes that they have a place and they will continue to work to keep that place.

A good company has:

  • Strong leadership skills

This is a given really, we are only as good as the management who guides us.

  • Excellent communication

This goes along with the management, usually a good manager is great at communicating things that need to be said to its employees.

  • Organizational Skills

Know what needs to be done, when it should be done. And stick to deadlines when you make them.

  • Respect

Most people learned this in grade school. Have respect for the people who work under you, and you will receive it in return.

It amazes me how easy the simplest values are lost when they really shouldn’t be. And it is really a shame when valuable employees are the ones who suffer for it. I hope everyone has a great night!

Happy Writing!

 

 

The Sunday Night Blues

Definitely feeling those Sunday night blues, tonight. And if you are slaves to the Monday through Friday work week like me, you all know what I mean.

This weekend was a great weekend, though. Don’t have any money, but still managed to relax, play some games, have a few drinks, watch some shows, and do absolutely nothing…which is what I meant to do.

But after a tipsy Saturday night, you wake up late on Sunday, and you realize with a sudden sinking feeling that you know Sunday morning is going to fly by, and at 5pm, you’re making dinner, and then it is 8:30pm, and you are dreading work the next morning and the coming week.

Why isn’t there any more holidays left?

Most of the time, I try to distract myself from the thoughts of Monday morning. I get on my computer, listen to music, I write, I do everything but clean (which is probably something that needs doing,) but with only a few hours of freedom left, why would I waste them doing something like cleaning?

100_1427God, I wish I was just on one big year-long vacation, don’t you?

Anyone win the lottery, yet? I wish I would! Then, I wouldn’t have to go to work tomorrow morning…

What do you guys do to keep away the Sunday night blues? Or maybe another day of the week is your ‘Sunday?’

I think I plan on getting a cup of tea, maybe take a bath, and read a good book. Only thing left to do is just to rest while I can, and then face the coming morning. (Sigh.)

Hope everyone has a great week!

NaNoWriMo Days 4, 5 & 6: Uh, Still Writing?

Word Count: 4,107

Well…totally dropped the ball on my last post. Last night was supposed to be a lovely update with how fantastic I’m doing, and well…life happens sometimes.

It’s difficult balancing writing, work, and other chores that most of us don’t like doing but needs to be done…(laundry, dishes, etc.) Last night was one big trip to the laundromat which was good, because clean clothes are nice…buut, it doesn’t always leave time to do writing, which is bad.

I find that my core time for writing is at night-time, but I work early in the morning, and well…6am comes very fast sometimes. Ugh, Work.

Work.

Which, was awful. As far as Fridays go…yuck! I could practically see the tire marks of everyone’s cars as we pealed out of that parking garage…now I get why people always drive crazy on Fridays. I wonder if people who hate their jobs on top of having a bad day, actually pull their hair out? Like big clumps? Seriously, people. I just want to forget that today happened. At all.

io

Tonight was nice, though. Mike made dinner and we watched Inside Out which I just had to buy the other day. I love this movie. Hmm, maybe I’ll write-up a review of that tomorrow…

Anyway, the point is: Life

How do you manage to juggle work, family, friends, social time and writing? I think I read somewhere that in order to be completely successful in one aspect of your life, you have to give up another. Like someone who becomes work-obsessed…might let social time with friends fall to the way-side.

But, I’m like Joy on Inside Out, who doesn’t want Riley’s memories to fade, I don’t want any aspect of my life to fade. Heck, I could give up housework. I’d be happy with that. Buut, having clean dishes is important, too.

I guess the idea is to sort out your priorities. I think I could give up TV more, and Facebook time. I love keeping up with old college buddies and family on there, but once a day check-up is all I should really need for the time being.

And Youtube…sometimes (too many times), productive hours are taken when the YouTube vidoes suck you in. I know I can gain more time by giving up that.

Hmm…it sure is difficult working on writing when you work full-time hours, and I am forever in awe of those who’ve managed to write a best seller on their down time after work.

More often than not, I feel like sadness, who has that kind of energy?

But, there is a silver lining here, too. I’ve got the weekend! And I look forward to catching up on my writing tomorrow after some rest and relaxation. Oh, sleep would definitely be nice!

Anyway else always feel so drained when Friday comes around? I think its possible I need more Vitamin D and C, and B, and H and L…and yeah. Everything. Back to that grindstone…

How do you guys make time for writing?

Happy Writing everyone!