As you guys know, Mike and I have moved to a new area, and that means…new job for me. AGAIN.
My last job was great for me: sit in a room and type and don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to. Boring, yes, but not taxing or stressful because I wasn’t forced to be interactive on days where I really didn’t want to.
People might shake their head and be like: what are you talking about? What’s so hard about talking to people?
But when you have social anxiety, there is everything wrong with talking to people. It is very difficult to help people when you can’t help yourself.
I don’t know how much I’ve stressed over and over to people who are close to me, and to others and I hope they will eventually get it.
Working in Customer Service where your job is to help people is sooo difficult when you can’t help yourself.
Inside, you feel like you can’t breathe, you are drowning. Your mind is telling you to do something, but you are also fighting with yourself. I can’t, I’ll do it wrong, I’m hopeless, I’m worthless, look at them staring…they know…they know…
On top of the anxiety, there’s the depression that comes a long with it. You feel like a loser. A simple job and you can’t do it. Everyone else is fine, no one is having troubles. There must be something wrong with me. I’m a nobody, I have no purpose, I feel so worthless…so worthless.
These are only a few of the thoughts that were running through my mind today when I was at my new job where I have to assist customers and I have to put on a smile, and I have to interact with people and pretend that I am okay when I’m not.
I even mentioned to my co-worker: “I’m a little anxious today, it makes me feel like extra slow and stuff.”
Didn’t really get much of a response. But where’s the time really to go into the full length explanation, and who knows really what to say to all that anyway?
I think I’ll be looking into seeing a specialist soon as therapists know the right responses to these feelings…or at least you hope they do, but something else has been bothering me:
Why aren’t more people aware of how debilitating anxiety and depression are in the work place?
I know it has effected me and my career…or lack thereof one.
Why aren’t we talking about it? Why aren’t more people aware how difficult it is to put on a brave face, when inside you feel like you are drowning?
WHY DON’T WE TALK MORE ABOUT THIS?
Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. Those of us that struggle with this are heroes when you have to bear this burden in silence, and we really shouldn’t have to be.
It is a real thing, and more people should be understanding out there…work place included.
Ah, I feel better now. Anyway, what are you guys doing tonight? Anything thoughts on this?