Happy Mother’s Day, Grandma…I Miss You

I’ve been sitting here for the last half an hour on Wikipedia reading about Reba McEntire, about her recent divorce, her relationship with Kelly Clarkson, and the plot to Reba’s show, Malibu Country, which got cancelled about three years ago.

I haven’t suddenly become obsessed with Reba McEntire, (although I’ve always liked country music,) I’m stalling.

grandma roseA year ago today, May 8th, we lost someone special to us in our family. My grandmother, Dorothy, passed away from cancer. Today is Mother’s Day, but I’ll never get to say hello to her again.

Which is why…the stalling. I know I want to write something to honor her, but I don’t know where to begin. With all the poems I wrote about her in the past year? With our last conversation? The words of Reba McEntire’s song, “What Do You Say” keeps repeating itself in my head.

What do you say in a moment like this? When you can’t find the words to tell it like it is?”

My heart breaks a little. What do you say?

Dear Grandma,

I miss you.

Love, Amanda

There really isn’t much more to say. I said it all before in the poems I wrote for her: For Grandma, Not Goodbye, Baseball Memories, Up and Up, and Big Picture.


My sister, Anna, me and Grandma in the back seat of the car on some road trip, over ten years ago; laughing and being goofy.

P.S.  I remember the last time we spoke, Grandma, I made you laugh. I told you something that Lilly had said, and I made you laugh. You were in pain, but my last moment with you…I made you laugh. One day, I’ll type out that conversation. I’ll put it in a memoir and tell everyone how much your house smelled like you, how it felt so quiet, and cold with you down for the count, and everyone wondering, “Is it time?”

But no, one spring afternoon at the end of April, while you were lying on the couch, too weak to get up, I made you laugh. And it warms my heart like nothing else.

I love you, Grandma.  Happy Mother’s Day.


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