A bit of flash fiction – At the Ball Park

I have about 5 minutes before I have to shower, dress and get around for work tonight, but just wanted to share something real quick with you guys.

I signed up for an online class called, “Creativity Training for Writers” and although the class is clearly geared for writers who are more or less getting into the craft of writing, it has really helped me get back on track and is slowly curing my writer’s block – which is what I hoped it would!

The creative mind is still alive and kicking, and what a relief it is to get my writer’s voice back! Our first assignment we were given prompts and a limit of 5 minutes, in which we were to create a story finishing a sentence with a twist at the end. It is the closest I have ever come to writing some decent flash fiction and I was rather proud of it:

At the Ball Park

They called it a near miss, but I called it a coincidence. Sandy called it fate and I kissed her nose whenever she said this and she would smile at me with that wide, red-lipped smile; the kind that she gave me even after I had broken her hip and dislocated her right shoulder.

I’d tried to swerve to the right, but I just couldn’t move fast enough. There were so many people in the way and the lane was crowded. I’d hollered, “Get out of the way!” And before I knew it, my brown, leather glove was in the face of the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen with red-brown hair. How was I to know that I would accidentally push her down the ball park stairs?

I’d visited her at the hospital after I muttered my sorrys to her on the gurney as the EMTs rolled her away, but that still wasn’t quite good enough. I gave her the ball I caught though, which was signed by every memory of the team. And when I was leaning over her hospital bed, the ball out-stretched in my hand, she gave me that red-lipped smile and asked me to marry her. Turns out she was a Yankees fan, too.

***Thoughts below if you got ’em! 🙂

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4 thoughts on “A bit of flash fiction – At the Ball Park

  1. It’s a good draft, especially if it was done in just five minutes. One suggestion: consider starting the piece with the second paragraph. The action is intriguing, so leading with it makes, I think, for a stronger hook.

    • Hey, thanks for the suggestion! I can see how that would work better, it really is a much better hook. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

      And thanks for the likes everyone, glad you guys enjoyed it!

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